Tuesday, March 31, 2009

"Hi! I'm Welch, the bane of your FUCKING EXISTANCE."

The Case of Star Ocean
So, I love me some JRPGs. Nothing wrong with them, they just take a while to get into. An hour or so of supposedly linear events, very little fighting. Make it a 20 minute cut-scene, it makes it all better, IMO.
I received Star Ocean: The Last Hope for my birthday, as well as MadWorld and the Watchmen Novel. The latter two are amazing. Star Ocean, however, is so far sub par.
Well, fine, it's not that bad, but let me give you a synopsis of my first 40-minutes.

Cutscene! World War 3, the Greater United Nations (GUN, much to my amusement.) and whatnot. There were a lot of acronyms, I haven't bothered to remember them yet.
So, I wake up to find myself in the shoes of Edge Maverick, a Cloud wannabe with ridiculously flat hair. Edge Maverick, could you get more White Anime Guy than that?

Point of interest, when going to the site to find a picture of this bastard, I was greeted with the Earth EXPLODING.

Boom! Boom! Boom!

So, let's see here. Edge Maverick, Earthing age 20. Strong sense of responsibility. Nothing about him being a Cloud clone. Bullshit. He looks 20, only if you use it loosely. And he is still a Cloud clone. Look as his arms, the hair. He moves about as stiffly as Cloud does. So, this asshole wakes up, only to find that he has missed the launch ceremony. Oh no, my holographic bed was too comfy! His childhood friend, Reimi Saionji scolds him for missing it, even though she's one year younger then he is. Wait, what? That is not 19.

While it looks closer to 19 than Edge does to 20, it still smells of BS to me. So, the scolding ends, and I am told, very bluntly, to wander the ship. Okay, maybe I'll find some weapons or something, like a potion. Useful stuff. I don't find any of that, but it was just a skim, so, when going into the command deck place thing, I am prompted to either, continue looking for stuff on the ship, or start anyway. I choose to continue looking. After a nice 5 minutes looking more in depth, nothing. We start. Things are going okay, Edge is probably playing some TF3 on his computer at the CDPT, just released, 20 years hype, labelled as vapourware, when suddenly something goes wrong. "Mic spammers!" I shout. What I get is not very far from my proclamation.
Welch.



Stop watching after 1:15, the rest of it is likely story that I just missed because I skipped the cutscene. She is just annoying.
Developers, let's get this straight. If you want to put an annoying girl in a game with a god awful voice, do one thing for us. Make her hot. Even if it's just so we can drown out her voice in her boobs, make her hot. Being half-naked is optional, just make her hot. Okay? Do we have that? I don't think we do. Reread a million times. I'm not going to type it again, that's just retarded.

The Case of MadWorld
Alright, this is amazing. Just that. Everything is amazing.

The Case of Watchmen

WHO WATCHES THE WATCHMEN? Well, we do. If you didn't get that out of even just the movie trailers, you really didn't jump to an obvious conclusion. This book has been very enjoyable. I now get more than half the Watchmen jokes made on the internet, as opposed to the zero I usually did.

No comments:

Post a Comment